Every now and then, life plays out like a fairy tale. You go on a date with a guy who makes you weak in your knees. Your chemistry is undeniable. Your energy is electric. Your stomach is doing flip-flops. You feel a bit hot, possibly even faint. You realize, “This is what I’ve been looking for! It must be true love!”
It’s obviously meant to be, right?
A guy who make you feel weak in your knees is great. It’s an awesome feeling. The rush is fantastic. Most singles looking for love are looking for that crazy chemistry, the fireworks, the high that comes from liking somebody new. It’s great, but it’s not sustainable.
A situation like this isn’t love, it’s infatuation.
What Is Infatuation?
Essentially, infatuation is feeling an intense passion for somebody. Ask yourself the following questions to see if you’re infatuated:
- Did you just meet him but you think you’re in love? Do you even really know him?
- Do you idolize him?
- Do you feel like you’ve known him forever, but you don’t really know much about him?
- Do you want to rush into a relationship with him without even dating him?
- Have you already started to plan your wedding?
- Can you picture life without him, and feel like you can’t live without him?
- Do you want to be with him all the time, and being apart from him makes you feel anxious?
- Is your affection reciprocated?
At some levels, some of these things are normal in a healthy relationship. But if you feel them in extreme, they can be symptoms of infatuation.
Dangers of Infatuation
Being infatuated can be dangerous. Infatuation can blind you. It can turn you into somebody you’re not, and you may find yourself doing things that aren’t characteristic of you and don’t mesh with your values.
You may start avoiding people who aren’t in agreement with your feelings. You feel like they don’t understand you. You feel like Romeo and Juliet, and your love feels forbidden and unrequited.
The man you’re infatuated with takes advantage of how you feel about him. You enable his bad behavior and put up with things you normally wouldn’t. You think you’re in control, but you don’t. His charisma blinds you to his true personality, and he can talk his way through anything. But yet you always forgive him, and he can pull you into his web with a smile, a touch, or a word.
You’re left in relationship and dating limbo, explaining that “it’s complicated.” “It’s complicated” is not a healthy relationship!
Put as simply as possible, infatuation is toxic. It can steer you away from finding true, lasting love.
What True Love Is
Infatuation can feel like love, but it isn’t. You may think you love him, but do you really? What is true love, anyways? Following are some characteristics of true love.
- You want to spend time together even if you’re not having sex.
- You lose track of hours passing as you get lost in conversation together.
- You honestly want to hear about each other’s feelings.
- You truly make each other happy.
- He motivates you to be a better person.
- He encourages you to meet your goals.
- You want to meet each other’s friends and family.
Love isn’t instant. It grows and matures as time goes on. Love grows out of trust, respect, and friendship. It’s an equal partnership. You work through your challenges together.
My Own Infatuation
I know what it feels like to be infatuated. I spent a long time infatuated with a guy, and he strung me along like his puppet. He was sexy, dynamic, charismatic, and an alpha. I was vulnerable and needed affection and love after a painful divorce. He made me feel desired, sexy, and special. After a failed marriage, I fell hard for him. I was convinced that I was in love, and that we were meant to be. I truly thought that he was my soulmate.
But I was living a fairy tale, and he ate it up. He strung me along for as long as he could, and I enabled him I knew it was wrong, but I kept doing it. Finally I had enough and let him go. It was painful, because I’d convinced myself that despite my misery, we were meant to be. How could we not be, with the chemistry we had! I rejected other perfectly good men because I was infatuated with him, even though he was never committed to me.
When I finally opened myself up to real love, I found it. My husband and I have a healthy, two sided partnership. We’re attracted to each other. There are no mind games. Things are not “complicated.” We just share, trust, respect, friendship, and love.
I frequently get emails from women who are infatuated with of men. (Some men have this experience, too.) Maybe I went through what I did to learn how to guide others out of it. When I discovered my worth, I stopped accepting less than what I deserved. This is what I help others realize. Every person must realize their own worth to trade the unicorns and rainbows for the real deal. The real deal won’t settle for somebody who’s hung up on somebody else!
Infatuation might feel fun and good for a while, but you shouldn’t date the one who makes you feel weak in the knees. Lasting love is much better.
Has anybody ever made your knees weak? What ended up happening? Do you agree with my advice? Please share your perspective and thoughts in the comment section below!