Everyone’s done it. We look at a couple—perhaps it involves someone we dated or wanted to date—and wondered, “Why him?” or “Why her?”
We think, what did he see in her? What does she have that I don’t have? What makes him so special?
What am I doing wrong?
You know those thoughts have entered your mind. It’s not always about jealousy, though it can be. It’s curiosity; it’s a moment that makes you go, “Hmm…” Most of us have felt the sting of being passed over, or being dumped for somebody else. Some of us have even been cheated on.
So why do some people get chosen over others? Why him, or her? Why not me?
It may seem to us that we were obviously the better option. But as bad as you feel about being rejected, you have to admit that you’ve also rejected other people. Either way, rejection stinks! And that’s what this is really about: the sting you feel after being rejected by somebody that you liked.
We want someone to choose us and to want us. It’s difficult these days to meet people we genuinely like. And when we do meet someone and we get rejected, it makes us feels like we’re not worthy, or that there must be something wrong with us. But we don’t have to feel that way.
The reality is that you need to “fit” when you’re with somebody. It may not be with who you thought you’d be with, but it fit. You just know. Things just start flowing the right way, and you know you both are on the same path. It’s useless to force yourself or the other person onto a path if it just isn’t the right one. If you’re a perfect match, things will work out. It’s really that simple.
People tend to complicate things and to assume that challenges and drama lead to passion. It’s normal to have some challenges and drama, but it’s not normal to have those things all the time. Good relationships just flow without having to think about them too much. So if you or the other person isn’t feeling it the right way, it’s not going to happen no matter how perfect you may think you are together.
The best dating strategy is to stop resenting other couples for their happiness, and to focus on finding your own. If you spend all your time focusing on other people, your life will pass by before you know it, and you’ll miss out on finding happiness of your own.
You don’t want to do that.
You deserve to find happiness just as much as anybody else does. But you need to remember that your happiness starts with you and with the choices that you make. So stop looking backwards, and focus solely on your journey ahead. Here are some tips on how you can do that.
- Learn from each experience you’ve had.
- Be grateful for your journey, but don’t repeat your mistakes.
- Date competitively, and make sure your personal marketing is on target.
- When it comes to everybody you date, manage your expectations.
- Enjoy the dating process. Don’t focus too much on the outcome.
- Take your time. When dating, slow and steady wins the race.
- Don’t waste time in dead-end or complicated relationships.
- Make good choices in dating partners. Focus on shared values, not on a long list of requirements.
- Stop being desperate and stop focusing on your “biological clock.”
- Be happy being single.
Your success in dating is truly within your control. Dating these days is difficult enough. Don’t make it harder.
To sum it all up, the answer to the “why not me?” question is that something was ignited within the person, which is something you just couldn’t do. They just “felt it.” It’s harsh, but it is reality. Love won’t always make sense, but it’s truly that simple. So keep trying until you find somebody that you “click” with. Then ignite the fire in yourself and in them!
Have you ever wondered, “Why not me?” Please share your perspective and experiences in the comment section below!